This weekend I saw some pictures of myself that I wasn't exactly pleased with. They were just normal pictures with me doing normal things, but something didn't seem right.
Before you read any further, this post is probably going to seem pretty ridiculous, whiny and bitchy. Some of you might agree, some of you might think I'm crazy and some of you might just get really pissed off. I'm just continuing to vent, like I often do on this blog, and reach out to you to help me get things back to normal.
I've told you before that over the past two months in school I've gained a little weight. That "little" has officially become "too much" and it's making me a little crazy. Part of me knows exactly why and how it's possible for me to gain 10+ pounds in less than two weeks and part of me is completely dumbfounded. Was it the fact I'm eating meat again? Or eating more of these "whole foods" I keep talking about - butter and milk for example (duhh). Is it because I'm not really eating breakfast? My portion sizes are not huge. It's not like I'm stuffing my face every day at school. And it's not like I stopped working out. It's not as often as I would like, but I am still trying to get regular workouts in. Is it stress? Lack of sleep? For a second I thought I might need to take a little test. You can tell that this is making me a little nuts.
I often don't see it in the mirror, but I feel that extra weight, and obviously, I see it in pictures. I'm not at my best. At first I was ok with it, but I think that if I continue with this mindset things might get out of control. I know I don't need to lose this weight. I'm still at a very healthy weight and it's not effecting my health. I want to lose this weight. This isn't where I'm comfortable.
I'm at a crossroads though. I'm doing something with my life right now where I am constantly in front of food that isn't always on the healthy side. Yes, I can bring my own lunch and I'm not forced to eat the lunch I make - but, like I said before, I'm not eating the whole thing, so what's the big deal? I try to stick to eating all of the vegetables and little of the meat product. Last week I made a point to bring a bar to eat for breakfast during class and to only have a few bites of the meat.
I'm writing this because I want to get it down and actually stick to my new goals. You guys have held me accountable before and I'm reaching out to you again. I am very happy with where I am in my life right now but I want to feel good in my own body, too. I'm going to be in these kind of situations for the rest of my life and I need to figure out how to make it work. Ten pounds might not seem like a lot, and it really isn't, but after seeing how fast I gained this weight I don't want to see how fast I can gain 20 or 30 pounds. I can be this new person that I'm becoming while still sticking to what some people know me for, being happy and healthy.
I want to make my workouts more intense. I'm going to try to run a minimum of three miles 3-4 times a week with high intensity intervals in there. I've found some pyramid workouts to try, but I'd love to hear what you all like to do too. I've gotten back down to the basics in my own refrigerator, lots of fruits and vegetables. I'm going to try and get back into drinking smoothies and eating more salads. I'm also taking vitamins again that will hopefully boost my energy level a little bit more. In a few weeks, my schedule is going to change so I don't have to go to school until 8am. I hope to get up and workout before school and then make sure to take Reddick for an extra long walk at night.
There have been a few moments over the past few weeks where I've realized that things need to change, but those simple pictures just put me over the edge. I know that I can get back into the shape I was in just a few months ago. It's really incredible how a change in lifestyle can really take a toll on your body. Plus, I'm sure the fact that I'm not eighteen anymore has a lot to do with it. I'm just going to have to work a little harder, but I think I can do it.
